The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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