party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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