angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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