mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dick very happy bro
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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