it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
