Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
