My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
