worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
