Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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