Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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