So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
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a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
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Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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