I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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