WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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