Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
