her vagina looked like bernie madoff
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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