hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
