The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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