Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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