people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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