recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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