we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
