Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
