wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
