i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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