Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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