there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
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She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize