To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
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It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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