look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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