I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Welp...herpes.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
