Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
