Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
