Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
