i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
