I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
whose parrot is this?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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