I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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