youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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