How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
did i walk over a car last night?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
