it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
