...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
