Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
wow bdsm is so cute
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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