the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
