Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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