The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
