dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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