I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
