Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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