Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
