shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
