Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
