I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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