____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
