The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
did i walk over a car last night?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
