Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
