well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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