New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
