I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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