You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
