I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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