he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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