I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
