i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
