if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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