Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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