it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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